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How to Love Your Body

Write Love Notes to Your Body

September 29, 2021 by Nicole Ayers

Writing love notes to my body was my entry onto the body-acceptance path. I knew I wanted a different relationship with my body, but I had no idea how to get started.

I considered how people fall in love. The whole courtship and wooing thing. Writing love notes has always been a direct way to my heart. Something about seeing love declared on the page makes me melt. One of my favorite memories with my husband was the year we took turns making lunch for each other. We’d leave little love notes in the other’s lunchbox. Extra points for when they were punny.

“I’m bananas for you” written on the banana peel. “You make me melt like butter” on baked potato day. “I doughnut know what I’d do without you” on a sweet-treat day.

With that memory in mind, I decided I would attempt to love my body by writing her love notes.

Except writing to my body felt overwhelming. I had already written a “history” of my body and was still reeling from the experience. It was angry and wounded and raw and way too much to wade through.

I wanted to tiptoe my way into this healing process, so I made the decision to write to my body’s parts instead of my whole entire body.

Writing Heals

Over the years, I’ve read so many benefits to journaling. It’s always been an intuitive action for me, one I’d take whenever I had something to process.

Well, not always. There was over a decade that I didn’t write anything more than academic papers, and a couple of decades that I didn’t journal. But that’s a story for another time, one you could read in the “Dear Voice” essay of Love Letters to My Body.

Writing, journaling specifically, is a path to healing.

There are studies to support the therapeutic benefits, such as reduced stress and better sleep. Also, some studies have shown support for journaling to heal from trauma.

Here’s why journaling helped me heal my relationship with my body.

1. It helped me get my thoughts in one place.

They were no longer swimming in my head. I could reread them and get curious about them. I could examine my beliefs about my body and determine if those beliefs were mine, or something I’d picked up from another source.

2. It made my thoughts visible.

No longer were my thoughts about my body nebulous negativity. I was very clear about what parts I liked, what parts I hated, what parts I was grateful for, and what parts I wanted to change.

3. It helped me establish a connection with my body.

Journaling turned into a written conversation I was having with my body. It shifted my feelings so that my body became “her,” rather than “it.” I realized that there was no escaping my body, no matter how much time I’d spent disassociated from her, making all my decisions via my mind. Instead, I learned that my body had things to say too. Wisdom to share.

Love notes, you say?

Yes, love notes. Sort of. Sometimes, I wrote hate notes instead.

While I wanted to write loving notes, I wanted to write honest notes more. Deep, authentic relationships are built on honest foundations. I didn’t want to bypass the pain I carried in my body and pretend that I loved her when I didn’t.

Plus, I figured that she already knew how I felt about her. It wasn’t some big secret. I’d been clamoring nastiness at her for most of my life. She was strong enough to handle some heartfelt, soul-searching notes about the places in her that hurt.

I often kept it simple. One or two sentences would suffice. Somedays I had loads to say and those notes transformed into letters. I didn’t set any rules around the love-note writing other than to show up as truthfully as I could.

As I began to write, I realized that even when I hated a particular body part, or held a lot of anger or grief around it, I could often find something to be grateful for too. I had the capacity to hold both feelings.

I could be curious about what I was feeling and why. Then I could process the anger or grief or resentment. And I could soften toward that part. Which paved the way for a more accepting relationship with my body. Which has led to a more loving relationship with my body.

Benefit of Writing to One Body Part at a Time

I mentioned how overwhelmed I felt when I thought about writing to my body as a whole. There was too much to process, and I shut down.

But writing to my body’s parts individually allowed me to use a trauma-informed approach to my healing.

This process is called titration. It asks you to move slowly through your healing process; to dip into the experience and then dip out, in small increments; to pause and notice what’s going on in your body during the experience.

I didn’t know about titration when I began this process, but intuitively, I knew this was the best approach for me. It helped me maintain a consistent journaling practice, and it alerted me to the wounds that were too much for me to work through alone so that I could seek help as needed.

How to Get Started

You just need a notebook and something to write with. Set aside time to journal each day. I found it easiest to write for a few minutes most mornings, but you may prefer a different schedule. Or no schedule at all.

If you need ideas to get started, check out my guided journal, Writing Your Way to Self-Love.

You can also connect with me on Instagram and read lots of body love note examples there.

A Few Reminders

Making peace with your body is a journey. There’s no set number of notes to journal. There’s no “right” way to do this. There’s no finish line to cross.

Remember that you can offer yourself love even if you don’t love your body. Offering love and actually loving are two different experiences.

You have permission (in case you need it) to show up on the page however you need to.

I’d love to support you in this process, so please reach out and share how your journaling experience is going.

Offer Your Body a Sensory Moment

July 8, 2021 by Nicole Ayers

One of the go-to strategies I share with women who want to offer their bodies more acceptance is to create a sensory moment. Engaging the senses is a powerful way to connect with your body.

Notice I said “moment.” This is meant to be something you can do quickly to reconnect with your body, self-soothe, or offer yourself love, even if you aren’t feeling very loving.

Self-Touch

Self-touch is my favorite way to create a sensory moment when I need a nurturing boost. I may wrap my arms around my body and squeeze. Or gently massage my scalp. Or hold my face with both hands, close my eyes, and take a breath.

But if you have experienced trauma, self-touch may not be soothing at all. If you’re resistant, honor your body and find another way to create a sensory moment.

You could experience touch by snuggling under a weighted blanket for a few minutes or sipping a warm drink and paying attention to how the warmth slides down your throat into your tummy. You could also step outside and feel sunlight sinking into your skin or notice a breeze that flirts with your hair.

Engage Your Other Senses

You can also get out of your head and into your body by engaging one of your other senses. Whenever I’m trying to pay attention to a sense other than sight, I close my eyes to help me focus. Give it a try, but again, if that’s not comfortable, you could try a fuzzy gaze or pick one spot to look at.

 Suggestions to Spark Ideas:

1. Step outside. Find a spot to sit and close your eyes. Spend one minute cataloging all the sounds you hear.

2. Eat something with a strong flavor or texture (a piece of fruit or candy or a chip). Slowly chew and notice the sensations in your mouth.

3. Place a few drops of an essential oil on your wrist and inhale the scent.

4. Find something that you find beautiful and give yourself a minute to gaze at it.

5. Play a song that fits your mood.

6. Take three slow, deep breaths and notice any sensations in your body as you breathe.

5 Ways to Love Your Body Today

June 14, 2021 by Nicole Ayers

You can show your body love, even if you don’t actually love your body. Acting in a kind, compassionate, gentle way toward your body is a way to offer your body respect and acceptance. And it’s a powerful practice because when you act loving, you often shift your mindset, which will impact your relationship with your body.

These acts of love are easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Some of them you probably already do. If that’s the case, I invite you to perform those tasks with the intention to care for your body. Be deliberate and acknowledge the kindness you’re offering your body.

A pair of brown hands with pink fingernails holds a small mound of dirt. Heart flowers sprout from the dirt. The painting is on a green background.
Artwork by Mica Gadhia

1. Go to the bathroom as soon as you feel the urge.

Don’t hold it. Don’t wait to finish the task. Don’t avoid going because you’re in public. Just excuse yourself if needed and take your sweet self to the bathroom. You’ll feel immediate relief and so will your body.

2. Put on a sweater if the air conditioning is freezing. Or cool yourself down by shedding a layer if the heat is sweltering.

Don’t be uncomfortable if the air temperature is too hot or too cold. If you’re indoors, adjust the thermostat or turn a fan on/off. Don’t sit at your desk and shiver. Put a sweater on. Or if the heat is making you grumpy, take the jacket off. You don’t have to hide your arms.

3. Brush your teeth.

Give some gentle attention to those chompers. Don’t rush the two minutes. And if you’re feeling like offering something extra, floss too. Your teeth will feel smooth, your mouth fresh, and your body will feel a little bit cared for.

4. Drink some water.

Stick your head under the faucet and slurp it up. Or pull out a fancy glass and garnish with fresh fruit. It doesn’t matter how you do it, just hydrate. Don’t worry if it’s the “right” amount.

5. Rest when you’re tired.

Whether you’ve hit an afternoon slump or a wave of exhaustion is knocking you out, let yourself slow down. Maybe that looks like a long nap. Maybe it’s a ten-minute snooze with your eyes closed. Maybe it’s walking away from a tiresome task and coming back to it after you’ve had a dance break. Maybe it’s going to bed as soon as you’re tired rather than at a specific time.

Acts of Service

Acts of love are a way to be of service to your body. They show your body that you’re a trustworthy partner, even if you’re reluctant to accept your body.

Sometimes you’re so disconnected from your body that you don’t even notice the small ways that you do take care of it. This practice allows you to connect with your body multiple times in the day to see how it’s doing.

Reflection

Pick a day this week and commit to practicing all five of these activities for an entire day. Then give yourself space to reflect on what happened. Possible journal prompts:

  • Were any tasks easy to do? Did you resist any of these tasks?
  • How did you feel after a day of taking deliberate care of your body in these ways?
  • Is there a loving task(s) that you want to continue?

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