My Awakening, Part 3

My Awakening, Part 3 – The Book I Didn’t Write

Ripples. That was the working title of the book I never actually wrote.

When life events, both global and personal, smell worse than a fish-market dumpster fire, it’s easy to feel hopeless. Paralyzed, even. When things are so bad, what’s the point of trying to make the world a better place? What can one person actually do?

But one of the best ways we can rekindle hope is to take action.

Ripples, the book I never actually wrote, was meant to be a how-to-get-started-making-the-world-a-better-place motivational guide. The concept was simple enough—circles of influence. First, we start with ourselves. Then, we expand to our families. Next, we impact our local communities. Finally, we serve national and global movements and organizations.

The through line was that every action we take to be of service, to be a helper, has a greater impact than what we personally experience. The ripples flow in ways we may never know, but goodness abounds.

I believe this is true in my bones.

So why didn’t I write the book?

I couldn’t write the first section, the one about being of service to ourselves first. I could think of a million ideas to help people serve their families, their communities, their countries, their world. But themselves? I had nothing.

How could I write a book telling people how to help themselves when I couldn’t fathom how to do that for myself? When I didn’t even know what kind of help I needed?

Everything was fine. I was fine. What did I actually need help with?

While I cocooned myself in intense denial, I still felt the dissonance of those thoughts. Something wasn’t right. And I wasn’t ready to face whatever it was.

And I damn sure couldn’t write a book about helping ourselves so we could serve others if I wasn’t willing to even consider the help I might need.

Not writing Ripples was a gift. Because it forced me to be honest with myself that I needed help, even when I couldn’t name what I needed help for. This nudge moved me closer to curiosity and to naming what I most needed: help making peace with my body.