body positivity body positive

My Awakening

by

I’ve been asked many times what pivotal event ignited my passion to help women make peace with their bodies. For me, it was a series of moments, over years, that built like steps on a high-dive ladder. With each event, I climbed a little higher until I made it to the diving platform. Then I inched my way past the safety rails until I was standing on the edge of the board.

I’d love to say that once I was gripping that board with my toes, I wholeheartedly leapt off the diving platform full of the awareness I needed to execute a fancy double flip, triple twist, water entry as smooth as velvet dive. The reality was a heart-palpitating, gut-churning false bravado that would have probably resulted in me crawling back to the ladder, except a bout of dizzying vertigo took charge and pushed me off the board in a sideways sprawl that knocked the breath out of my shocked body when I hit the water. Only after I clawed my bruised body to the pool’s edge and laid myself out on the hard but precious concrete did I realize the initiation I’d just passed through.

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to wrangle my memories about the most vivid events that sparked my awakening. Because I tend to write the stories that are the loudest when I sit at my desk, this retelling will not be in chronological order.

Part 1 – The Dream

I had a dream experience that still takes my breath when I recount it: I was in labor and gave birth to a baby girl. She looked like a sleeping angel, swaddled in the white hospital blanket with blue-and-pink stripes. She wore a jaunty little hospital cap that the nurses had added a bow to. She was perfection.

But she didn’t cry. She was alive but also not a part of this world. There was no spark inside her. I was frantic that she wasn’t crying, but no one in the delivery room was bothered. I looked at my husband and asked, “Why isn’t she crying?” He just shrugged and looked away. The nurses who had washed and swaddled her were not at all concerned. I screamed, “Help her. Somebody, help her.” But everyone ignored me, unfazed by my desperation.

I felt invisible and helpless and terrified.

Then rage slid like hot lava down to my bones. This baby should be crying and no one but me cared. How could I be the only one who cared?

If no one would help me, then I would heal her myself.

I dropped to my knees, lifted my arms, and unleashed a primal, guttural cry. The baby wailed so loud that I woke up.

As soon as my eyes popped open, I knew that baby was me. I was going to have to heal myself, to find my voice, to ignite my authentic spark. No one could do it for me. But I was ready, ready to love myself, ready for a bolder life.

And everything I needed was inside me.

More Than a Body Book Review

by

“Positive body image isn’t believing your body looks good; it is knowing your body is good, regardless of how it looks.”

Book Description: Our beauty-obsessed world perpetuates the idea that happiness, health, and ability to be loved are dependent on how we look, but authors Lindsay and Lexie Kite offer an alternative vision. With insights drawn from their extensive body image research, Lindsay and Lexie—PhDs and founders of the nonprofit Beauty Redefined (and also twin sisters!)—lay out an action plan that arms you with the skills you need to reconnect with your whole self and free yourself from the constraints of self-objectification.

I recently read More Than a Body: Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament  by Dr. Lindsay Kite and Dr. Lexie Kite. Their IG account, @beauty_redefined, is one I love to follow, so I have been looking forward to reading their book.

It’s a solid read about living in a world that tries to make us believe that how we look is the most important thing about us. They use a metaphor, the Sea of Self-Objectification, throughout the book to help readers understand the many ways, or waves, that we can be overwhelmed by how we view our bodies, as well as other people’s.

They weave together research and personal stories to offer actionable ideas to stop objectifying our bodies. I especially like their focus on building resilience as we practice facing our “feelings of body shame or embarrassment” and using them as “a catalyst for personal growth.” Their reflection questions, if answered thoughtfully, can help readers get very clear about how they feel about their bodies and why.

My favorite section was “Critiquing and Creating Your Media Environment” with “From Divided to United as Women” my second. Back in my classroom days, I taught media literacy to my students, so I was happy to see the way this book helps readers deconstruct media messaging about our bodies as well as offering tips about how to curate media experiences that don’t leave us filled with body shame. And helping women understand that we don’t have to push anyone else down to lift ourselves up, especially around how we look, is a message that I will always support.

I also appreciated their thoughts about school dress codes, as I navigate this gauntlet daily with my daughters. On this and many other topics, they helped me refine my own thoughts and provided language to support me in articulating the messages I want to share.

I think this would be a fantastic read for people new to the concept of body acceptance. But it’s also useful for people who have been treating their bodies with more kindness for a while to refresh and refine their thoughts.